I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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