He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
