fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
