Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
