last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
