you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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