I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
