remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
