So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
