I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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