Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
