ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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