Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
