pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
