yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
