Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
