i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
