he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
this will be a night to untag.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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