Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
