Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Let's get the cat blown out
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
