its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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