Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just cropdusted the office
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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