the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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