I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
