My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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