Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
