Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
