I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
