i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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