Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
