He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
