It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
