he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
