i think i have two assholes
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
