My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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