Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
