i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
a search helicopter?!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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