She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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