maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
