yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
