I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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