Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
