well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
