rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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