Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
