No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
