Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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