oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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