you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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