went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
