I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
