An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
