too bad you live with your parents still
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
