I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
