no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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