he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
