my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
