it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
