apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
